(Note: For non-hetero and/or non-monogamous relationships, the following principles still apply. Feel free to modify and adapt as needed.)
The Relationship Sanctuary is a model for creating healthy and mutually nurturing relationships. Within the Relationship Sanctuary, each individual in the relationship is a Sovereign and has their own Personal Sanctuary.
The Personal Sanctuary is the character and structure of the individual whether they are in relationship with someone else or not. Each person has their own strengths & weaknesses, light & shadow, preferences & opinions. Each has their own individual childhood scripting and personal biases. Within the Personal Sanctuary, each individual is responsible for their own quality of life. Each person agrees to “do their own work”, as well as to be accountable, self confronting, and self soothing. Their “job” in the Personal Sanctuary is to attend to their core values and core needs, as well as to be self reflective concerning their personal integrity and behavior. A healthy relationship is dependent on the transparency and unwavering self honesty that make up a Personal Sanctuary. Without strong and clear Personal Sanctuaries the Relationship Sanctuary cannot thrive.
The Relationship Sanctuary is the area of clear agreements between the two sovereign individuals who are relationship. In the Relationship Sanctuary, each person’s job is to increase the quality of life for the other person without enabling them. Within the Relationship Sanctuary the other person’s happiness is their goal.
The foundation of all of these is Radical Ownership. Radical Ownership is the realization that each of us is always in any relationship by choice and we take radical responsibility for our quality of life as well as the quality of the relationship we co-create.
“One of the deepest manifestations of love is listening. And one of the greatest failures at the root of the downfall of every relationship is the failure to listen.”
– – Lonny Jarrett
When we do listen in relationship, we are most often listening to our own fears and desires, not to our partner’s truth.